‘Glass Spider’ by David Bowie

David Bowie’s Glass Spider Tour in 1987 was his biggest and most ambitious ever. It was also such a soul destroying experience that it made him believe forming Tin Machine would be a good idea. There was a video released at the time, and it resurfaced on DVD and CD a couple of years ago, presumably a release intended to put a lid on Bowie’s reignited critical acclaim. I’m reviewing this off the CD rather than the DVD, and I’m not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing. In it’s favour, it means I’m not distracted by the horribly garish visual imagery. On the downside, it means I’m not distracted from the horribly garish music. It also means that the music is periodically interrupted by seemingly random spoken gibberish, but in fairness, I’ve seen the DVD, and the visuals don’t help any of that make any sense.

‘Glass Spider’ begins with enormous self indulgence. A ridiculous electric guitar solo opens the album, interrupted by a shouted ‘shut up’ (words that any listener would choose at various points to follow) before Bowie’s dancers launch into an a-cappella segment of ‘Up The Hill Backwards’ which is an intriguing idea, though one that doesn’t really go anywhere. From here, the band launch into the absurd ‘Glass Spider’, a track that works far better as a concert introduction than as a song in its own right. Over a wash of synthesizers and guitar wailing, Bowie delivers a spoken monologue about the eponymous glass spider which must have been as inexplicable then as it is now. It’s worth noting, however, that when he actually sings his first line, his voice is in fine form. Glass Spider, for all its faults is far more interesting than ‘Day In, Day Out’, the next track, which is a two chord dirge that seems to go on for decades. It’s depressing to think that, at the time, ‘Day In, Day Out’ counted as one of his better songs. Almost as bad is ‘Bang Bang’ which follows, a track utterly unremarkable aside from the drum breaks and guitar squeals in the chorus which seem desperate to suggest that ‘Bang Bang’ is somehow an exciting piece of music. It isn’t, and it becomes painfully obvious as the song comes to a close that, four tracks in, we’ve yet to hear anything that’s actually good.

Happily, Bowie himself seems to have realised this as well, as the next run of tracks is a series of hits – ‘Absolute Beginners’, one of his finest 80’s tracks, ‘Loving The Alien’, one of his most interesting, ‘China Girl’, one of his most catchy, the much loved ‘Rebel Rebel’, and a genuinely good version of ‘Fashion’, the only ‘old’ track so far to gain anything from the eighties gloss slathered all over it. ‘Scary Monsters’ brings the big hitters section to an end, and is a perfectly decent rendition of a track that’s always seemed a bit middling to me. Disc one ends with a slightly odd version of ‘All The Madmen’, and a straight-down-the-line performance of ‘Never Let Me Down’, a track that really isn’t that bad, though a chorus would have improved it no end.

Disc two falls into a pretty obvious pattern of old songs good, new songs bad. ‘Big Brother’ sounds great, ‘’87 And Cry’ sounds terrible. ‘Heroes’ sounds good, because it can’t not sound good, and ‘Sons Of The Silent Age’ is a rare moment of actual artistry, even if it is somewhat overblown. ‘Time Will Crawl’ is rubbish. ‘Young Americans’ is a little anaemic, but it’s such a great song, you can forgive it its faults. ‘Beat Of Your Drum’ is forgettable, ‘The Jean Genie’ is fine, but played by numbers, ‘Let’s Dance’ is a perfectly good version of a track you may or may not be fond of. ‘Fame’ is less good – a hugely self indulgent performance that only seems to be included so Bowie can announce he wrote it with John Lennon. For unfathomable reasons, he segues it into ‘London Bridge Is Falling Down’, which suggests to me that he’s finding the whole experience as tiring as the listener must be. ‘Time’ comes next, and it stands out like a sore thumb. It’s a great performance though, let down only by the horrible synth horns towards the end. The record ends with ‘Blue Jean’ and ‘Modern Love’, two of the shallowest tracks in the Bowie catalogue, but tracks that are at least catchy and fun.

It would be wrong to label the whole Glass Spider experience as bad. There are good bits, even great bits, though they’re rarely sustained over even the length of a track. But alongside the highlights, there are great depths to the album as well, and you can’t help but think that even if you pruned these out and made a single disc, you’d still be left with a slightly crummy product. So, unless you’re a big Bowie fan, this is probably one to actively avoid.

‘Document’ by REM

‘Document was the fifth album by REM, but on some level, it feels like a debut, probably only because it’s the earliest one I own, and I don’t think I know any songs that predate it. In addition to this, it sounds like a debut should – a bit rough and ready, a couple of really good songs, and a lot of potential. It’s hard to imagine a band getting to a fifth album these days without having passed this stage.

‘Finest Worksong’ begins the album with a decent amount of bluster before ‘Welcome To The Occupation’ serves up a more typical slice of folk-inspired vaguely political meandering, made great by it’s two part harmony, a feature that REM used a lot at the time. ‘Exhuming McCarthy’ is a jauntier track – like a prototype ‘Stand’ with allegedly weightier lyrics.

Variations on these three track types fill the rest of the album, to a generally high level of success. There are further standouts – ‘It’s The End Of The World As We Know It’ is successful as a result of its speed, and its determination to cram in as many lyrics as possible, ‘The One I Love’ succeeds through having a very strong (if simple) melody. The rest of the album just sort of chugs along happily until the end comes. A perfectly decent listen, but nothing to get wildly excited about.

'Aggressive Sunbathing' by Fat and Frantic

Wowsers. Here's a blast from the past, and no mistake. When I was about 11 years old, Fat and Frantic were the coolest band ever. Chances are, you won't have heard of them, but they were a Christian band who made various failed attempts to become mainstream. They were much beloved by members of church youth groups who were all a bit older than I was, and they broke up slightly before I would have had the chance to discover them for myself. Their music was, for many years, deleted, but can now be found on itunes for those who wish to go looking. My copy of this reached my mp3 player via a mini-disc copy of a tape cassette.

'Aggressive Sunbathing' was their second album, from the era when Fat and Frantic were a four piece. Recorded on what I can assume was a minimal budget, it sticks to a pretty simple arrangement of acoustic guitar, bass guitar, washboard and trumpet. Occasionally, a guest violinist makes an appearance - I can't work out at this point whether the violin is slightly out of tune, or whether that tape cassette was a little stretched when the digital copy was made. Either reason could be true, I suspect. Lead vocals alternate between three singers, all of whom sound slightly self-concious as they sing. Later live recordings would sound far more relaxed, and would also benefit from more vocal harmonies - I imagine overdubs were probably a luxury that 'Aggressive Sunbathing' couldn't afford. In fairness, despite the constraints, the arrangements are tighter than I remembered them being - I guess they made the most of what they had

Fat and Frantic always worked a balance between silly songs, sensible songs that sounded a bit silly, and heartfelt songs about their faith, or worldly issues. This tended to give their albums a slightly schizophrenic sense, and 'Aggressive Sunbathing' probably suffers from this more than any of their other albums. 'Freedom' and 'Uganda's Children' are wonderful songs, but their impact is lessoned slightly by their proximity to 'Uncle David' and 'Born To Be A Brownie'. 'Take Me Home' and 'Proud' are more successful in marrying the two sides of the band, though the latter's references to South Africa and El Salvador date the album as a whole pretty badly. 'Snog A Toff' and 'Dictator' show a keen eye for satire that works well.

To be frank, it would be easy to listen to this album 22 years past it's release and rip it to shreds - it has flaws and limitations a-plenty. But despite all of them, you can't help but enjoy listening to it, as it's still fun. You do wonder how much better it would have been had some money been spent on it, but perhaps that would have destroyed it's charm. We'll never know.